


The Trouser Snake of Boone County

by commandercrouton



Category: Logan Lucky (2017), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Miscommunication, Penis Euphemisms, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rey needs a snake in her garden, Reylogan, Sex, Short, Short & Sweet, Smut, Snakes, There's A Snake in His Pants, Trouser snake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:36:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandercrouton/pseuds/commandercrouton
Summary: Rey needs help finding a couple of snakes for her new garden. Clyde thinks she needs a different type of snake.
Relationships: Clyde Logan/Rey (Star Wars)
Comments: 51
Kudos: 255
Collections: Rey in the Adamverse





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift for my darling boo in honor of her mascot, The Infamous Trouser Snake—due to this subject of the title, there will be a snake in the moodboard and mention of snakes in the fic.
> 
> Happy Birthday [MyJediLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/myjedilife)!!!

Clyde watched in mild suspicion as Mellie and Sylvie kept bursting in sporadic giggles as they sipped their cosmos. Mellie’s hands were gesturing wildly, and Sylvie’s skin was flushed a bright pink even he could see in his bar’s soft lighting. He contemplated walking over and asking what was so funny, but his action was cut short the moment she walked in.

Rey Johnson.

She was the town’s new mechanic, Mellie’s new best friend, and the object of his affection the moment she stepped foot in his bar. 

He continued to stare as Rey sauntered over in her cutoff jeans and grease-stained shirt. She slid into the booth with practiced ease, spreading out her long tanned legs as Mellie caught her up with the conversation. Rey instantly broke out in loud laughter and Sylvie mentioned something else causing Mellie to snort in her drink. Rey, however, darted her hazel eyes to his before blushing furiously. 

Clyde instantly walked forward to their booth. He’d be damned if they were going to make fun of him in his own bar in front of the woman he—no, she was still just a woman. 

“Somethin’ funny over here?” he asked, keeping his eye on his sister. He wouldn’t put it past her spilling some embarrassing family secrets to Rey just for her own amusement. 

“Say, Clyde, you are a big strong man. I have to ask, did you eat your vegetables growing up?” Sylvie asked, an image of innocence on her face.

“Mama ain’t let none of us off the table ‘til we did, as I’m sure Jimmy can tell ya.”

“Tell me what you think about this then. Would you rather eat a small eggplant or a large one?”

Mellie tried to keep a straight face, but the grin on her face was downright devious, and Sylvie looked like she was having a grand old time. 

“Um, no eggplants? I ain’t too fond of ‘em.”

“No, what about cucumbers? I hear Mellie loves a big cucumber now and then.” 

Mellie slapped her friend in the arm and told her to hush. 

“Listen I don’t know what’s going on right here, but I think I may need to cut you off. Your tolerance ain’t been the same since the baby Sylvie,” Clyde took her glass and looked at the other two women in the booth. “Anything I can get for ya Miss Johnson?”

Rey grinned at him softly, and he felt his heart skip a beat. “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Rey, Clyde?”

“Once more, as always ma’am.”

“Alright, you two stop flirting. I could use another cosmo, and Rey wants one of her gin drinks,” Mellie cut in forcing the two to look away from one another quickly. “Oh and Clyde, maybe you could give Rey some cucumber, she’s been dyin’ for some.”

“Mellie, hush!” Rey hissed as Sylvie and Mellie started chuckling.

Clyde just stared at the trio for a moment, realizing he was clearly missing some sort of joke and wondered if it was at his expense. Instead of asking, he walked back behind the bar, prepping the drinks for them.

“What’s got them laughing like some boys who just found a dirty magazine?” Earl asked, settling himself on a stool.

“You got me,” he responded as he placed a bottle of beer in front of him. “I just walked over and they been talkin’ about vegetables and gigglin’ like a damn hyena. Eggplant this, and cucumber that. I don’t get women, Earl, I tell ya.”

Earl choked on his drink. Beer dribbled out of his mouth and he wiped it off with the back of his hand. “Them girls said what!?” 

Clyde furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes glancing at Earl like he sprouted another head. “I done said it was about some damn vegetables. Saying Rey needed a cucumber with her drink. I had to damn cut Sylvie off. Jimmy should be here soon at least,” he mumbled, setting aside a new glass for Mellie’s cosmo. 

“Aw hell Clyde, don’t you know nothin’? They ain’t been talkin’ about no damn vegetables. They are talking about...you know.” Earl raised his eyebrows meaningfully. 

Clyde kept his look of confusion. “No, I don’t know.”

Earl sighed and leaned over the counter. “They are talkin’ about a man’s equipment,” he whispered the last words, worried someone would overhear.

Clyde’s hold on the shaker slipped, causing vodka, cranberry juice, ice, and triple sec to scatter all over the floor. “They were talkin’ about what? In my bar!? Dammit Earl, Mellie is my sister and Sylvie is married to my brother. I do not need to know these things.”

He picked up the rag for spills and began to mop up the mess surrounding him, already flustered at the knowledge Rey was talking about his...member (for lack of a better term) in front of him. His ears grew hot as Clyde realized just what Mellie asked for.

Clyde was a damn fool if he thought he kept his crush on Rey a secret from Mellie. She had eyes keener than a damn hawk when it came to love. 

“Girls use all kinda euphemisms when they talk about stuff like that in public. They got the eggplant emojis, cucumbers, snakes, hoses—hell, I’m sure they got more than I wanna know about.” Earl lifted the beer bottle, leaving a ring of condensation behind, as he brought the bottle to his lips, pausing right before he took a sip to say, “I’m glad I ain’t in the datin’ business.”

Clyde finished making the drinks in silence, forcing himself to think of anything but his sister talking to the woman of his dreams about her past dalliances. The thought brought a shudder to him. It ain’t none of his business what his sister did in her free time, as long as she was safe, then she could do whatever she wanted. But the thought of Rey…

His grip tightened on the glass and he attempted to trample the surge of anger in his chest. It was fine. She wasn’t his, and it wasn’t his right to be jealous. Rey was a pretty woman after all. He was sure she had lots of men interested in her. 

Clyde balanced Rey’s drink in his forearm and gripped Mellie’s drink in his hand as he made his way forward. As he made his way to them, he heard snippets of their conversation regarding snakeskins and how much Rey despised them.

Oh hell, was this another kind of euphemism? He nearly stumbled as he realized just what kind of euphemism this meant.  _ They were talking about condoms. _

He settled their drinks a bit harder than necessary, but he needed to get out of that conversation as soon as he could. Sylvie was sipping her water gingerly and trying not to fall asleep as the alcohol continued to enter her bloodstream.

Rey reached for her drink, smiling softly at him in thanks. Mellie just slid it to her without even acknowledging his presence. Normally, he would be a put-off, but in this case, he could forgive his sister. 

“Oh, Clyde,” Rey started as she reached for his arm. He froze the minute her small hands wrapped gently around his right hand. “I’ve been having a problem, and I was hoping to get your help with it.”

“What seems to be the problem?” he mumbled out as he avoided her gaze.

“My garden could benefit from a snake, do you think you could help me with that?”

Clyde’s life flashed before his eyes. Rey needed a snake. His snake.  _ Rey needed his snake in her garden _ .

“Um, sure, yeah,” he stopped to clear his throat, mentally berating himself for sounding like a panicked teenager, “Yes ma’am, how about Saturday?”

Rey grinned up at him with a twinkle in her hazel eyes. “Perfect.”

Clyde walked away when reality hit—in two days he was going to have a date with Rey.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to reassure himself. The next two days, however, were one of the most stressful he ever lived. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde finds out just how much Rey needed a snake in her garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clyde knew if he gave himself a moment to think he wouldn’t be able to go through with it. He forced himself to just focus on the next step as he made his way up the stairs to her small home. He didn’t pay attention to the newly painted window shutters, or how she lined the walkway with small stones. His eyes barely glossed over the new grass blooming in the yard and the upturned dirt in front of her house.

Instead, he walked straight to the door, knocking three short raps on the dark stained wood. 

Rey opened the door a minute later, a bright smile on her face and her hair up in a messy bun. “Clyde, thanks for coming. Want something to drink?”

He stepped through the threshold, only taking a moment to assess the comfortable features of the room before he heard the soft thud of the door closing, sealing them in.

Taking a deep breath, he turned around staring at her for a brief moment before he made his next move.

“I made some fresh lemona—”

Her words were cut off by the crash of Clyde’s lips against hers. Rey’s lips were as soft as they looked. He wrapped his good arm around her, pulling her body closer to his before he could regret his actions. She stood frozen for just a moment, and Clyde panicked—was he doing it wrong? Maybe she didn’t like being kissed like this? What if she wanted to wait until they were in her bedroom?

All worries were erased as Rey relaxed into him, her body molding against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck pressing his face closer against hers. The kiss was hard—there was no finesse in the way their lips battled for dominance. The instant her tongue traced his lips, Clyde let out a growl and pushed her body against the door. Clyde’s blood was on fire, lit up in an inferno the moment he had her in his arms. 

He dreamed of this moment, of all the ways he would make her whimper and moan under his touch. How she would wriggle in want He may have lost a hand, but there were other ways to please a woman.

Clyde used his entire strength to pull away from her lips. He needed to taste every freckle, every visible part of skin he could. His mouth trailed kisses across her cheeks, the slim line of her jaw, until he nibbled on her earlobe gently. His ministrations were rewarded with a moan and his name coming out of her mouth in a breathless gasp. 

Rey carded her fingers through his hair and _fuck_ —he didn’t realize how much he liked it until she did it. He wrapped his good arm around her waist and lifted her up, giving her a minor height advantage as he nipped and sucked at her collarbone. 

“Bedroom?” he mumbled against her delectable skin.

“Down the hall,” she whispered, throwing her head back to give him better access. 

Clyde was proud of the fact he only stumbled once as he made his way into her room. Recovering quickly, the quick flash of a smile on Rey’s face made his ears flush pink. 

“God, I love your ears. Dreamt of kissing them the first time I saw you,” Rey said as he set her down on the bed gently. 

His face turned a bright crimson as he avoided her gaze. Instead, he kneeled before her, trailing his hands up her toned legs. Her right leg shivered as his left metal hand trailed softly upward.

Clyde froze before pulling back, “Sorry, I’ll take it off if it makes you more comfortable.”

Rey placed her gentle hands on his face, bringing his gaze to hers. Slowly she entwined her hands around both of his. “Do whatever makes you comfortable. I’ll have you any way that will make you want me.”

Clyde’s mouth dropped open at her statement. Did she not know how she haunted his every thought? In place of answering, he placed a soft kiss on her calf. “Pardon me, Miss Johnson—”

Her breath hitched at the name.

“—but I seem to be on my knees in front of you.” Another kiss. “If I was a bettin’ man,” another press of lips on her knee, “I’d say I’m at your mercy.” His tongue darted out to lick a trail of skin until he met the hem of her shorts. 

By the end of his plea, Rey had thrown her back against her bed, breathing heavily as her fists clenched her rumpled comforter. Leaning over her body, he caged her in as his hair fell over them in a curtain of privacy. 

“I didn’t think you’d want me,” she whispered. Her face was soft and vulnerable and the sight made Clyde’s heart clench.

“Why wouldn’t I want ya? You...you are everythin’ to me. I ain’t ever had the courage to ask ya on a date. Woman like you ain’t need to be with someone like me,” he whispered, his eyes furrowed as he remembered just how perfect she is, and how he was just a man trying to make a simple life. “I thank the stars every night you had the courage to ask me over here in such an obvious way.” 

He blushed again and Rey blinked in rapid succession. Her mouth opened, prepared to say something, but Clyde beat her to it. 

“Now, how about you be a good girl for me and get undressed. And then I’ll give ya what ya asked for.”

It would have given him great pleasure to do the job for her, but he had yet to master the art of taking off his own clothes with this new hand of his. She would do a much better job than he did. 

A shiver ran through her body as she hastily complied with his wishes. As she fumbled with her shorts, he made it his mission to take off his clothes for her. Hands stumbled as they both did their best to undress quickly, and all too soon they were staring at one another hungrily.

Rey placed her full body on the bed, laying against her pillows as Clyde crawled his way over her. His fully erect member brushed against her thigh as he settled himself on top of her. 

“Stars, you are one beautiful woman.” Clyde looked at her like she was his universe, and at this moment, she was. She was the sun, the moon, the stars, and the wide expanse of space between. He would never love another like he loved Rey. 

She blushed under his lustful gaze, and he was pleased to see just how far the pink color spread. Unable to waste another minute, he took a pebbled nipple in his mouth and sucked. The motion elicited a shocked cry from her and she canted her hips against his. 

“Clyde, yes, that feels so good.”

He released her breast with a pop, kissing his way to the other one as his hand snaked down to thumb her clit. “I always knew they’d fit in my mouth. Just like they were made for me.”

“Please it’s been so long, I need you inside me, please.” Her accented voice, begging for him, caused his cock to twitch against her. Despite her begging, he knew she needed to be ready. He may not have had a lot of experience in this department, but he knew he was quite proportional to his size. And Rey, fuck she was  _ so tiny _ .

“I need ya ready for me darlin’ and I don’t think ya are just yet.” His thumb that was rubbing her clit in tight circles trailed lower to her entrance. Clyde had to stop himself from cursing as he found out just how ready she was. “How,” he began before stopping as he composed his voice, “how are ya so wet for me already?’

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this. Don’t make me wait any longer.” She slithered down on the bed, causing his thick cock to rub against her center. 

“Rey wait, I ain’t got no snakeskin. I know you said you didn’t like ‘em, but hell, I’m a man and I need ya to know I ain’t ever gonna try to lock you down by gettin’ ya—”

“Snakeskin? Why are you talking about that gross thing right now?”

Clyde was too drugged by her body to notice the confusion in her voice. “I want to, by stars do I want to, but I—”

He stopped mid sentence as she flipped them over and grabbed his member, aligning it with herself and wriggled herself down. 

“Fuck, Rey,” he whimpered— _ actually whimpered _ at the wet heat that surrounded him now. 

“Is this what it took to get you to call me by my name,” she smirked as she continued, “I’m on birth control, just come in me, please. I want to be filled by you.” Rey leaned over and whispered in his ear as she began to cant her hips against his. 

The friction they were creating was pure pleasure. Nothing would ever compare to this feeling as their sweaty bodies rocked against one another, moaning as they lost themselves in each other’s bodies. 

All too soon Clyde could feel his abdomen tighten and his hand squeezed her hip. He was careful to leave his mechanical hand on the bed, unsure of the damage it could cause to her beautiful skin. 

“Rey, I’m close. I ain’t gonna last,” he managed to stutter out. 

In response, Rey rode him faster as she slid a hand between them, and Clyde impossibly grew harder as he watched her touch herself. Her cunt tightened around him and he was lost in the sensation, grunting as he emptied himself in her. She let out a wanton moan at the first twitch of his cock within her, her center spasming around him as she fell over the edge in waves. 

She laid her body over his as they came down from their high together. Clyde pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, both listening to their breathing settle. As he softened, he gently pulled himself from her, and rolled her on her side. They cuddled against one another as a soft smile appeared on both their faces.

“Don’t think this gets you out of finding me a garter snake. I still need to find one for my garden. I read they are good at keeping pests out.”

Clyde’s heart stopped. “What do you mean you need a snake? Wasn’t that what this was?”

Rey placed a hand against his chest leaning away. She looked up at him quizzically, her mouth in a delicate frown. “What do you mean? Did you think I meant—oh my god you did,” she squealed. 

Clyde’s face was as red as a tomato as her laughter filled the air. He was already trying to crawl out of bed and put on his clothes. He would do anything to escape this embarrassment.

“No, Clyde, please don’t go,” she said through her laughter. “I just, I’m sorry I laughed. I liked this. A lot. I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

“It’s just,” he stuttered out, “when you asked, it was when you and the ladies were makin’ those jokes. Talkin’ about eggplants, cucumbers, and yeah…” 

A small part of him was pleased to see her just as embarrassed as him. “I’m gonna kill Mellie,” she hissed. She reached a hand out and gently pushed his body against the bed. “Clyde, I really needed help with my garden. Did you see the turned dirt in the front yard? I was gonna try to plant some herbs and vegetables.”

Clyde let out a meek  _ oh _ .

“Now that we got that cleared, I think my garden wouldn’t mind this trouser snake coming by more often.” Rey emphasized her meaning by gently squeezing his cock.

A devilish smirk grew on his face. “Oh darlin’ I think we can arrange that just fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi and support me here - [tumblr](https://commandercrouton.tumblr.com/) or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Cmndr_Crouton)!


End file.
